i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
