Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
