I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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