to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
