Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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