Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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