I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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