You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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