im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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