so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
