you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
