how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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