I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
