dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
bring money and cleavage
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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