twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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