Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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