Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
