Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
