fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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