cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just pee around me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
