I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
