On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
