sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
