I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
