Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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