he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
