There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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