Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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