I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just pee around me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
