i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
