Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
