if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found puke in my bra..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
