I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
