just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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