You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
