I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
