After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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