You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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