Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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