Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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