woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
