My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
