yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
