i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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