There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
