Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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