He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
