this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
