your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's always time for handjobs
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
