It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
