Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
