hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
