K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
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