I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
