so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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