I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
