Banned from zoo.
Again?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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