Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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