Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
