Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
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Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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