you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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