You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
