She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
