Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
