I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
