Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
