I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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