She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
