I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
